Take that and SHOVE IT.

Warning: If you happen to be a man lurking (or my husband being nosey) this is not the post for you.  You will be offended and I DO NOT care.
Thanks.

Men.  Three little letters to define the most complicated individuals out there.  Yes, I get the "men have 3 basic needs" bull crap but lets face it here..."feed me, f@ck me, shut the hell up" isn't all they need.  They need constant attention...as long as its positive, they need sympathy...for the tiny splinter that they got in their finger doing something manly of course.  They need CONSTANT reassurance, "no baby I swear, its the biggest I've EVER had!!!"  "no baby, that bald spot on your head isn't noticeable..."  I could go on here, but you get the idea.
They need variety because apparently if its a hole they need to play with it and stick things in it.  Even if you promise them you will stab them if they try.
Its ok for them to look at porn...but if you glance at the male waiter who is speaking to you about your meatloaf...well your man's gonna wanna take him out back and whoop his ass.
You could be a proffessional driver...but your man (who's only driven one type of vehicle IN HIS LIFE) is decidedly a  better driver because "you have got to be aggressive out there baby, and I don't want you to get hurt".  Please!  I can drive in traffic, adjust the radio, talk to you on the phone about where you left your wallet (again), plan dinner that I'm going to make when I get home AND seperate the kids that are trying to obliterate each other in the back seat.  But you gotta be aggressive out there.  Try riding with kids in the car....then talk to me about aggressive...ass clown.
Women are expected to be these neat little creatures...Men can't hit the clothes hamper 2 feet away.  Oooohhh but they can pee on a rock that is like...8 feet away and call it amazing aim.
Men complain about women taking so long in the bathroom getting ready...but these are the same individuals that literally take 30 minutes trying to decide how to spike their (i swear it isn't thinning) hair. 
And on that note...why does it take men 20 minutes and 2 rolls of toilet paper just to poop???  And they even act like they are stunned when they realize that women do in fact have regular bowel movements..we've just heard of the common courtesy that is called air freshener. Just saying.
Man's idea of a romantic evening?  Food and sex.  Yeah, like I'm really gonna want to jump around with you after I just ate...I'm bloated, I'm gassy..and I think I have something stuck in my teeth.  And big boy, the garlic you ate...not good...but hey, lets have sex so I can gag and puke.  Thanks.
And while we are talking about sex here....why do men think that Pornos invented sex?!  Like I really want to be folded up into a pretzle for the 2 minutes you are trying your best porn moves?!  I act enough when I'm faking it....I didn't know I was supposed to go for the Oscar here....and by the way...I don't see the point in wearing uncomfortable ass shoes during all of this..one of us is gonna be stabbed....unless YOU wanna wear the heels?! NO?

So as far as I am concerned...you can take your "men are so simple" and SHOVE IT.