Fear

Sometimes a persons best friend is their worst enemy.  I'm talking about fear.  Fear drives us, restricts us, comforts us and surely lies to us.  Fear makes us hold back in life, fear keeps us from finding things that can truly make us happy.
Fear is a comfort zone.  I know it is for me.
So what am I afraid of?  I have spent the better half of my life touting that I am FEARLESS.  I'll grab snakes, I'll jump off cliffs, I'll leap out of airplanes.  I'll walk in places that most sane people won't go.  I'm not afraid of those things.
I'm afraid of bigger things.

I'm afraid of being out of control. I am afraid of failing at something I really want.  I'm afraid of losing everything again.
What has this fear cost me?  Happiness.  New things.  The ability to just let go and find peace.
I'm stuck in a rut like you wouldn't believe.  I'm hiding behind my weight, yeah I'll admit it, I sabotaged my own hcg diet.  why?  Because I'm afraid of what will happen if I lose the weight.  I'm afraid that I will turn in to the person I was before my 1st marriage dissolved.  I am afraid of what that confidence will do to me again.  which makes me have to ask the question...why in the HELL do I hate myself so much?  why do I see myself as so worthless.  Even though I've paid time and time again for the sins of my past, I'm still torturing myself over them.  When will it be enough?
I realize now that I can not move forward in my life until I cut the baggage from my past.  Its weighing me down and drowning me.
For those that read, here's a question for YOU.  What baggage are YOU holding on to?  What are you hiding behind?
I know that for myself personally, its time to let it all go...lay it all down.  Live again.