You ever look at someone like they can do no wrong and are going to fix your life, just to realize that they are just as human as you are? I've been trying to figure out just how much stock you can put in to someone before you go overkill and they let you down. I have a member of my family that I really thought was going to tie up every loose end I've ever had. What I got instead was more questions and more frustration. It really isn't that they let me down, but more that I let myself crash because I thought they were somehow superhuman. Live and learn I suppose. I wonder how many times I've been that for someone else?
Mistakes, even the big ones, are what make us US. Obviously there is not one single person that hasn't done something wrong. Sure you get some that say, "I'd never do something like THAT"..but honestly, I'll bet there is someone that will look at that person and say the same thing. Lord knows I've been on both sides of that coin.
I guess the real question is how far should you go to be a part of someone's life before you just have to let go and let them do what they are going to do? How much should you overlook, how much should you just accept as "them being them"? I guess everyone has their own threshold, but still. I think that you can go through your whole life trying to just "be there" for someone, but in the end, it is up to them to want to fix things. I'd like to think that I'm enough to make someone want to do this, but I also realize that sometimes a persons pain or addiction can cloud the things that should really be important.
This I have first hand knowledge of.
I'm a recovered alcoholic. I wasn't one of those that had to get loaded every night. Actually, I only drank maybe once or twice a month, and never in front of my kids. The problem was with the amount. I'd get knock down alcohol poisoning drunk when I would drink. I realized that I did have a problem, and I made the decision to stop drinking. Sounds simple, but it wasn't. I will have a beer or glass of wine every once in a while, but I don't go to clubs anymore, and I certainly stay away from anything harder than wine. I dont' want to go back to where I was. Plus, I'm not running from anything anymore.
Others in my life aren't so fortunate. Their addictions run so deeply that I don't believe that they ever will come out of them. The lies they tell themselves and everyone around them are barely enough to cover the evidence that they are using. I dont' know who is kidding whom, the drug addict or the people around them that pretend to believe them.
So what are you addicted to? Addiction comes in so many different forms. Alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, shopping, gossiping...the list goes on forever. Everyone has a vice, a dirty little secret. How far have you gone to pretend that yours isn't a "big deal"? No, lol, I haven't gone off the deep end and turned to a conspiracy theorist, its just something worth thinking about...as random as this blog is.
I've been sober now for almost 2 years. I dont' think that the people that knew me then would even know me now. Its amazing what a little time and a lot of self reflection will do for someone. Sobriety has its downfalls, I have to deal with everything upfront now. But I'm doing it, and if someone like me can, so can everyone else.
Here's to another year sober.
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